This resonated with me when I recently listened to a study on Daniel. It is funny how you can read the same thing many times and suddenly someone else is reading it or you might be again and for some reason it is as though it is the first time you heard it or you understood it a little differently. Maybe it is because God knew I needed it right now?
Hitherto is the end of the matter. As for me Daniel, my cogitations much troubled me, and my countenance changed in me: but I kept the matter in my heart.
So, after Daniel had the vision and had the interpretation given to him he was basically freaked out!
Cogitations much troubled me. – Means he thought on it and he meditated on its meaning , which in turned troubled him. I might say it also caused him some anxiety. (My words -anxiety – not the bibles.)
Countenance changed in me. – Normally we see this when you might try to act cool and like everything is all good BUT, your facial expressions say what you are really thinking and feeling. Daniel says his countenance changed IN ME. That seems to me like it is even deeper than just a change in your facial expression. This seemed to effect his whole being. Then the verse says, but I kept the matter in my heart.
I suppose that I can relate to this so much is because the last 2 to 3 years have been tough and yet amazing. Amazing to see the word of God happening in many ways right before our eyes. Yet, troubling because so many people are oblivious to any of it and even those who say they are Christians. I feel the Lord reveals things almost daily and much of it is a little sobering to say the least. I feel myself pulling away from everyone and from this wicked world. My heart feels heavy, feels sad, feels emotional. I want to yell, CAN YOU NOT SEE? ARE YOU NOT LOOKING OR WATCHING? I have done it in emotional ways and in subtle ways. Same outcome, nothing. No response. A look that says ‘get a grip’. An email from a son in the military who says ‘stop sending me emails and trying to convert me because I just delete them all’. (Those were the subtle ones and would have a news clip and simply say…we all better make sure we are right with the Lord because we never know if today is our last day or not.) Not trying to convert him, maybe WAKE HIM. I say all this to say it is really hard to just pretend I am happy that many are asleep. My family and strangers. It is heavy on your soul.
Daniel had a hard time with the information he was given such a long time ago. Now that this scripture resonated with me I no longer feel so guilty about having a heavy heart for the lost in this world. A burden for those who cannot see or hear. Doesn’t make it easier but only let’s me realize it is probably normal and ok that I am not bouncing off the walls with joy about it. I am continuing to look up as I do believe the end of the road is approaching at a high rate of speed and that is a joyous thought for our minds and hearts.
God bless you all and may the Lord God have mercy on each one of us.