Not sure what is wrong. Seems a little worse than normal. When I read the picture I posted I think people who have battled depression might actually be able to look back on a time when they were happy.
I read it and I immediately thought that I don’t remember when that might be. I remember when I was 11 and sitting on my bed in my room alone and thinking there was something wrong with me and I just wanted to sit in there all alone. I am 52 and I still feel like that most of the time.
Happy days? I have had them. One here, one there. Days I have spent crying or simply lonely even though people are around are far more easy to remember.
I am happier left to myself. Is that ok? It seems like the world tells you that you must be surrounded by others to really be happy. Then again, why listen to this world? I cut myself off from this world because I do not feel apart of this horrible and wicked place. I don’t see a future for myself. No family around. Most people my age are wrapped up in grandchildren. Mine live far away and don’t even know me with the exception of hoping for $$ from that lady who always sends it at my birthday and at Christmas.
I know…I know….don’t go quoting scripture. I won’t go and kill myself. I have hope in Jesus Christ. If I had no hope then I certainly would not still be here. I assure you it would be pointless. I have hope. I am currently having a really hard time showing that hope right now. That distresses me even more because I don’t want to disappoint God. I know this is not His desire for me. Yet, this world is sick and it sickens me. It vexes my soul to the core. Should I not be full of joy of the Lord?
I really don’t even know what to say.
Pray for me please.